No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
this hospital has no fireball
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
