do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
