and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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