There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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