I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
