Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
