Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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