I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
