remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
