how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
