Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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