I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
