Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
