im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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