We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just googled if crying burns calories
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
