my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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