My underwear smells like fireworks.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
