"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
