He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
