I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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