So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
