he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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