i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
