help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
