His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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