p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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