At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
