I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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