I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
