I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Less talking, more tequila
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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