New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
