I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have already put on my inside pants.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
