I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Randomize
