john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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