so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
