I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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