His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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