i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
