She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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