sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
