I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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