Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
