Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
