He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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