the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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