I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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