Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You are a genius and a whore.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
