I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
