i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
