I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
