The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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