just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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